Friday, October 24, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 12

Today was the day I had to return the rental car, kind of sticking me in one locale for the day. I took Abbey to lunch for accompanying me on my errand. We went to Home again, where I got to gawk at Adrian Grenier and tuck into this delightful curry chicken salad sandwich. Yum.


I then spent the day swooning in the heat like Blanche du Bois until it was finally time for happy hour at El Conquistador! This is my favorite happy hour in all of LA. You order yourself a lovely margarita like this one:


Not only is the margarita delicious (and strong!), but it comes with a delightful basket of chips and salsa. Here, Bill takes a bite:


But that is only the beginning, for at El Conquistador, your happy hour margarita also comes with a full platter of Mexican treats! Seriously, this is free. Unbelievable.


My crappy camera phone is not doing justice to this huge plate of melted cheese-based items. Yeah yeah.

Then I settled in for a terrible Phillies performance. This homemade bowl of popcorn was unfortunately the highlight of the second game of the World Series.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 11

[Frustrated note: I have no idea why so many of these shots are out of focus. I'm using the flash, I've got my settings down, I'm doing that thing where you half press the button and the camera focuses...it's very, very frustrating. And it's practically impossible to tell they are out of focus until I upload. On the little camera screen, they appear to look fine. Argh. Sorry.]

Today began w/ yet another trip to Cafe Tropical for mango shake and pastry. It was good, but not quite up to Tropical's usual standards. Or maybe my lack of sleep is beginning to affect my taste buds. Anyhow, no photo, as it looked the same as those previous.

We'd planned on a return to Home for lunch, but it was an absolute scorcher outside. Switched things up at the last minute and hit a cool retro diner type place called Fred 62. I was dead set on eating something healthy. But then I opened the menu and this chorizzo laden breakfast burrito appeared before my eyes like the burning bush.


It's such a tragedy that this isn't in focus. Oh man that burrito was like a work of art. You don't know what it's like living someplace where the food is awful (unless you're Amy). I practically wept into my plate while eating this. I think I now understand religion.

And then I was stuffed beyond description. But of course we headed over to Von's and stocked up on food and tequila for the World Series. Man, it was totally surreal to be rooting for the Phillies in the World Series. And even more surreal when Bill whipped up a Philadelphia-worthy Philly cheesesteak.


Wow. This thing was outrageously good. Better than Pat's. Totally on part with Tony Luke's. The real deal, cooked before my very eyes!

GO PHILS!!!!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 10

I still wasn't back on my game yet today. Spent the morning and early afternoon at Adam's, hanging out with Mr. President (dog) and enjoying a little Josh time. Didn't get anything to eat, or even coffee.

Around midday I drove back to west Hollywood, or whatever Pat's neighborhood is called. I met up with Miriam for lunch, and she took me to a little place called The Chicken Lady. Of course, this being LA, the Chicken Lady was described as "doing the catering on Two and a Half Men." Good enough for me!

We walked over to the restaurant, and I still wasn't really feeling hungry, or like I had much of an appetite. And I didn't know what to expect from the Chicken Lady. The place itself was pretty nondescript (besides headshots on the wall of every original 90210 cast member). We took a little table by the window, where I proceeded to be absolutely stunned by the quality of our lunch. Only the best for Charlie Sheen, apparently.

I stupidly forgot my camera, so Miriam snapped this with her phone:


This doesn't even begin to do justice to how amazing that plate of food was. Seriously, this was one of the most delicious things I've ever put in my mouth. That there is a Chicken Caesar sandwich with a side of mac n' cheese. The sandwich bore no relation to the Caesar salad...and as you may note, the entire thing was covered in melted cheese. It was so soft, so gooey, like crawling back into a melted cheese filled womb. It was a pure sensory experience. I can't even describe it. I've never experienced anything quite like it. Also, this may have been the best mac n' cheese I've ever eaten. For real.

As if that weren't enough, the Chicken Lady gave us each a complimentary slice of outrageously delicious chocolate cake (not pictured). The cake was made out of gnash or some similarly decadent ingredient. It was ice cold, and velvety, and just delicious. I told the Chicken Lady our lunch was so good I needed to move to LA immediately.

Unfortunately, I kind of crashed soon after. I'm getting really, really tired. Starting work at 7 each morning, coupled w/ crappy nights' sleep on various couches is taking a bit of a toll. Too bad, cause I hate feeling so drained.

At night, I drove over to Peggy's to check out her new house, which is unbelievably amazing. Good job, Peg!

She cooked up some stir fry for dinner, then we caught up, rapped about LA, writing, movies, etc. Too bad I was too braindead exhausted to do much other than nod at her like the village idiot. Thankfully, Peggy held up her end of the conversation.

And her dinner tasted a lot better than my crappy photo would suggest.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 9

Today was the day all this eating finally caught up to me. Felt sorta ill, and not having anywhere to just go an relax alone probably heightened the sensation somewhat. I did, luckily, rent another car. So at least I was free to cruise around. Just couldn't figure out where to go. Alas.

Anyway, for lunch I visited a highly regarded spot in Silverlake (I think) called Home. I sat outside right next to a large koi pond, and got to watch the fish swim about while I read and took in the nice weather. As for food, I ordered an outstanding chicken salad sandwich on toasted sourdough. Really, really tasty.


Then I hopped in the car and drove out to Venice. I had about 4 hours to kill, and so wandered about for a while (did you know Venice has canals, like the real Venice? Me neither. But it does, and they are downright charming!), then plopped down on the beach to read. The sun was setting and I had my back up against a palm tree. It was like being in a Corona commercial. No food, though, so no pictures.

Met up with Holly and Thomas after killing one final hour watching Monday Night Football and nursing a Dos Equis. We rode beach cruisers over to a Mexican cantina. I still had my stomach on my mind, so just played it safe and bland w/ chicken fingers:


Of course, I was mocked mercilessly for this preposterous order. Here's a shot of Holly eating the normal people food:


After, we met Adam at Holly's favorite dive bar, which truly was a dive in every sense of the word. Surprisingly (given the surroundings), Holly and Thomas each claimed this place made a real tasty burger. When Adam suggested splitting one, despite stomach issues and not being remotely hungry, I couldn't resist. Good call. This was one of the best cheeseburgers I have ever eaten in my life. No kidding.

Monday, October 20, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 8

The cats woke me up bright and early, though I fought the power and proceeded to lie on the couch for a few hours. Then Bill whipped up a nice homemade breakfast. Great way to start the day.


I once again did the unthinkable and walked somewhere in LA. Found a great little cafe, saw a movie, then was feeling rather starved. Nothing a $6 combo fish and shrimp platter couldn't solve. This was amazing!


My feeling is that the worth of a city lies in its cheap eats. Expensive cuisine is always good, but it's at the low end that a city's character, passions, and flavors can really be found. Where people are passionate about living, the cheap eats are good.

At night, we visited George and Samantha for some pizza and some Mad Men. Here, George goes for the first slice:

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 7

The upside of being on the West coast with an East coast job? Your day ends at 3pm. The downside? It starts at 7am. Sheesh! Well, today was Saturday and I finally got to catch up on a little sleep. Then Pat, Miriam and I walked (yes, walked) to a cool breakfast spot called Tart. We were treated to so many delicious items that I almost forgot to snap a photo! Fortunately, the coffee kicked in while half of my twisted BLT remained (this was a BLT w/ an egg added). Check it out:


Unfortunately, I failed to capture the world-class biscuits we had as our first course. Man, those biscuits were gooooooood!

One of the things that's been kind of weird for me in DC is the complete lack of a Jewish presence there. Not that I'm religious, but I've really grown used to Judaism being represented as a culture. Now that I live in the South, well, obviously there are no Jews. And the Jews that do exist have chosen to assimilate. There are Jews in DC, to be sure, but there is absolutely no Jewish identity.

The point, you ask? Well, perhaps at the very top of my LA To Do list was visiting Canter's deli. It's a tough call for me between Canter's and the Second Avenue Deli in NYC, but I actually think I might prefer Canter's. At any rate, the sight of a really vibrant, Jewish inflected scene was really cool to behold once again. Sorta felt like home. Unfortunately, I couldn't bring myself to use my flash bulb, so the pics are blurry....but goddamn this was some superb cuisine! Matzoh ball soup, corned beef on rye, pickles, and a cream soda:






Ah, the Jews. I almost forgot about them!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 6

I can't believe it's been two whole days without Cafe Tropical. Fortunately, I made it back for another round of mango shake, guava cheese pie, and coffee. Plus, I also discovered Tropical has free Wifi, and so I snagged a seat right under the air conditioner and had a high old time.


Directly after, Bill and I hit a great Thai place for lunch. Specials were $5.99 and everything was delish. Here's a shot of our egg roll appetizers:


And my delightful entree:



This stuff was awesome and filling. Unfortunately, we did not catch a set by the Thai Elvis impersonator who makes this place famous (there was a large metal statue of him in attendance, however).

Still full, I accompanied Pat to El Carmen, where 450 different types of tequila were in attendance, and where this outstanding fish taco made its way down my gullet.


The night continued out in Santa Monica, where we took in some music and some beer, saw Adam and his little dog, but alas didn't eat again.

Friday, October 17, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 5

Today started off right, with a cruise over to Roscoe's for some fried chicken and waffles. Surely I don't need to describe how delicious this was:


Sheeeeeeeeeet. That was some good eating. Then the heat came in, making me feel sleepy and uninspired. Spent most of the day half-asleep on the couch.

Fortunately, we got it in gear and put together a little beach cookout. We arrived just in time to see the sun set.


Bill got the fire started...


...and it wasn't long till I had a couple of dogs out over the flames.


The dogs were phenomenal. Here the gang enjoys the cookout:


Glenn takes it to the next level with some marshmallows:


The finished product:


It was pretty great to spend the night at the beach. LA living is pretty sweet.

Later I put Petey inside the couch.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 4

Woke up at Pat's house craving coffee and something sweet. We walked across the street to a really nice, Dean and Deluca-esque cafe, where I loaded up on coffee and a delicious strawberry muffin. Never even heard of a strawberry muffin before. It was goooood.



Spent the afternoon driving from one cafe to another, looking for free Wifi and a good place to work. Then, acting on a hot tip from Michelle, I had the pleasure of dining al fresco at Yuca's Tacos. This place was amazing. Needless to say, after devouring a carne asada and a carnitas taco, I had to go back up and order a shredded beef taco, as well. All were delicious. Simple, excellent food for cheap. I like being back in civilization.



Then of course I spent the evening cheering the Phils! Still having trouble getting my head around them being in the World Series. Wow. We celebrated by driving over to a highbrow fast food joint called The Oinkster that we read about online. It was somewhat overrated, but still tasty. Take a looksee at my pulled pork sandwich and fries. Apparently I should have used a flash.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 3

I started out the day at Tropical, once again, though I skipped the guava cheese pie and just went straight up mango shake and coffee. Once again, delish!

I've really been haunted by a salad craving the last couple of days. Got a recommendation and drove out to Tender Greens in Culver City. It was a bit of a schlep, but check out my grilled chicken cobb salad! It was pretty amazing, and I wanted to eat everything on the menu.



This thing totally filled me up for the rest of the day, and shockingly it was the last thing I ate. No dinner, no late night munchies, no nothing. Very unlike me. Of course, happy hour was the exception. Got together with Bill and Abby at their favorite margarita joint. I went old school w/ a straight up margarita at first, but then succumbed to peer pressure and ordered a frozen strawberry version next. In a word: awesome.



Here we are, enjoying our cocktails.



The night ended at the old LA Forum. If you squint real hard, you might see Weezer in this photo.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I Devour LA, Part 2

My first full day in LA starts with a bang. I have 2 favorite breakfasts, one on the East Coast (Middle Eastern eggs and coffee at Cafe Mogador, NYC) and one on the West. (Needless to say, when in DC I just make breakfast at home. No point going out.) I am completely obsessed with Cafe Tropical, and my first visit of the trip did not disappoint! Behold:



That there is a fresh mango shake, and a slice of guava cheese pie. Not shown: the best cup of coffee I've had in at least a year.

Here's a closer look at that guava cheese pie. Indescribably delicious.



Later I rented a car and spent the day getting lost in LA. It was fun to explore the city myself, as opposed to being schlepped around by friends as I usually do. I got a nice feel for the city, being out there alone.

Stopped off at a scenic overlook along Mulholland Drive. Here's the view:



All that driving got me hungry, so I swung by the Farmer's Market for a nice outdoor lunch. At the time, I thought I was going to the Phillies/Dodgers game, so figured I'd eat light. The tickets wound up falling through at the last minute, but this was still a pleasant lunch on the lighter side: turkey, cheese and tomato crepe. And it was totally gorgeous outside.



Got lazy and just ordered some takeout for dinner, to accompany the Phils.

More good eats to come...

I Devour LA, Part 1

Twenty minutes after touching down in Long Beach, I found myself standing in line for what I hope to be the first of many Mexican delicacies. A dude out on the sidewalk was frying up what appeared to be intestine tacos...so my gringo friend and I decided to play it safe and order from the regular menu inside. One carnitas burrito with everything, coming right up!



Doesn't look like much, but it was loaded with yummy grilled pork, and amazing feta-like Mexican cheese. Though I do love my cheddar and sour cream, this was a nice authentic change of pace.

Here's Petey the cat attempting to take a sip of my Brisk. Petey has been all up in my grill piece for 2 days now. I am not cut out for cat ownership.

Friday, August 8, 2008

A Poll For My 3 Readers

I knew there'd come a point where I'd regret not writing more often, cultivating a readership, etc.. And here it is. My last post inspired an interesting little mini-debate that I've still got on the brain. I'd really love to know what people think about this issue. So, my 3 readers, please comment!

Essentially, the question is this: is it wrong (or racist, or etc.) to make a generalization about a specific ethnic/racial/etc. group of people if the generalization isn't a negative one?

For example, if someone were to say, "The Jews are smart," am I supposed to be offended by this? (I'm not).

Or, if I were to say, "Girls are pretty." Is that bad/sexist?

In other words, does racism/etc. imply negativity. Or is it the act of generalization itself that we are supposed to avoid.

I admit I'm somewhat torn. Weigh in!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Notes From My MRI

I celebrated the start of a wonderful new work week by having my head examined. Literally. In a seemingly never-ending quest to figure out why my ears have been ringing for the past 4 years, I subjected myself to an invigorating brain scan Monday afternoon. First, I couldn't have any coffee or food beforehand (unless I wanted to get up super early, at like 9am or some shit. No thanks.). Second, it was way out in Maryland someplace, requiring a schlep out across dreaded New York Avenue and beyond. And third, I wasn't sure if you are allowed to wear contacts to an MRI, so I donned glasses, which always makes me feel all weird and out of it for some reason.

Anyway, like a mole I appeared blinking into the bright lights of the MRI waiting room. And from there, let the observations begin!

1. [removed by PC Police]

2. I don't think the dude that guides you through an MRI procedure should be wearing high-top sneakers. Makes me nervous.

3. Me: "I wasn't sure if I could wear contacts or not." MRI dude: "Unless they're made of steel, you can." Touche.

4. When they ask if you want a blanket, say yes. It's freezing in that tube!

5. Did you know an MRI is so loud you have to wear earplugs? It's true. And as a regular wearer of earplugs, I was quite impressed by the selection. Asked the MRI dude where he got them and he looked at me like I was crazy.

6. If you can forget that you're basically lying in a coffin, an MRI can be quite relaxing! For the first ten seconds or so, I felt really claustrophobic, then got really really relaxed by repeating the following mantra: "people are at work right now. people are at work right now. people are at work right now." Ah, MRI. It's all relative.

7. In this day and age, can't they put Wifi up in the MRI tube somehow? You mean they're looking at my brain but can't figure out how to let me read about the Phillies at the same time? C'mon.

8. What if you're really fat? Can you fit in there?

9. I often read about baseball players having to go get an MRI. How does this work? Do they just dip their ankle (or whatever) into the machine? Is there a different MRI machine for non-head scans? Do they still have to go all the way in the tube to have a shoulder looked at? I need answers.

10. One of the most difficult questions I've ever attempted to answer is: "How did your MRI go?" Since they don't tell you anything when you're done (I guess the doctor will contact me at some point?), this basically amounts to "How did your sit in that chair go?" or "How did standing up go?" Um, it went pretty well, thanks. I lied on my back and waited for it to be over. That's about it. Ultimately kinda boring.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Things I Almost Blogged About

I keep thinking about writing something, then find some reason not to (laziness). But I think just the fact that it occurs to me should count for something. Like, if I was really slacking off, I wouldn't even think about posting. Hmmm. Maybe that's flimsy. But at any rate, here are 10 posts I considered writing over the past 2 weeks before doing something else instead:

1. The All Star Trivia Team - I attended trivia night at an Irish pub (no, really). My teammates were a table full of seemingly intelligent 30 somethings. We got destroyed. In this post, I would have presented my roster for an archetypal All-Star Pub Trivia Team.

2. Special Topics In Calamity Physics - The worst book I've ever read/The straw that finally broke my subscription to Entertainment Weekly's back.

3. Wall-E - I am alway, always underwhelmed by Pixar and Pixar-esque movies (the Incredibles might be in my all-time overrated Top 20). Not this time.

4. Summer in DC - Or, I've been bored before, but not like this.

5. Time to Rock - My old friend Jim brought his electric guitar down for the weekend and we proceeded to rock out in my basement like a couple of 16-year-olds. Except for the back, neck and finger pain.

6. DC United - In which I attend my first-ever professional soccer game and come away absolutely fascinated. American hooliganism. Who knew? Nationalism is totally weird. I had no idea we did that here. Also, a bonus discussion in which I compare attending a sporting event at RFK Stadium to shopping at one of New Jersey's few remaining dirt malls.

7. There Goes the Neighborhood - In which my friend Mark and I become the only regular White players at an all-Black tennis complex.

8. One Man Brand - my short documentary is finally finished and the early reviews are good. Next up: festival applications.

9. The Stella Scooter - In which my lifelong obsession with Vespas takes a major hit as I stumble upon a Stella parked in the neighborhood. Will life ever be the same? Perhaps we will find out tomorrow as I visit the dealership!

10. Mosquito Bait - A photo tour of my mosquito-bite ridden legs. Also, we meet the Old Lady At The Gym who enjoys greeting me with, "How are the legs?"

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Don't Believe The (Lack Of) Hype

A rainy Monday evening and I felt like getting out of the house. Took a bus over to the old-school Uptown movie palace for a 7:15 showing of Indiana Jones. I wasn't too excited, had heard nothing but bad things, but I really like seeing big dumb blockbusters at the Uptown—a big giant red room, balcony, only one screen, super loud speakers—and besides, seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark at the movie theater in the Ocean County Mall is one of my Top 3 childhood movie memories of all time, right up there with The Natural (same theater) and that glorious, never to be topped weekend where we saw The Goonies and Back to the Future on successive Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Wow. (Back to the Future is still in my Top 20, if anyone cares.)

So I felt like I owed it to Indy to at least see the new film in a theater. To put myself in the proper perspective, I decided to watch the movie pretending I was 10 years old, i.e., checking my snarky, dismissive adult self at the door. What would it be like to watch this movie as a kid (a kid from the 80s, anyway)? Well, it would be AWESOME!

Maybe Crystal Skull doesn't stack up to the current generation of fantasy blockbusters, but as an old-fashioned thrill ride, I thought it really worked. You've got the iconic lore of Indy himself-the hat, the Ark, the whip, the disconnect between the adventurer and the professor. You've got Russians as bad guys again. You've got motorcycle chases and killer ants. You've got creepy pseudo-historical stuff that makes you want to go back to archeology school. You've got Cate Blanchett sword fighting while standing atop a moving jeep. You've got a greasers vs. squares dustup in a 50s maltshop. You've got Karen Allen re-appearing on-screen as if she just shot her last scene in Raiders 5 minutes ago. You've got aliens. You've got shifty-looking CIA agents and shifty looking KGB agents. You've got Indy as the victim of McCarthyism. You've got double agents. You've got Shia Labouf asking Harrison Ford if he's 80. You've got, above all else, the preposterously awesome Indiana Jones theme music.

Whew. I swear, my ten-year-old self would have worshiped this shit! I'd have been begging my parents to take me to Toys R Us so I could pick up the Mutt action figure with switchblade action and motorcycle. I'd have been dressing my little sister up like an Incan warrior and chasing her up and down the stairs. I'd have been at the library checking out every young adult book I could find on aliens, South America, the Lost City of Gold, the Cold War, the 50s. Man, I'd have been totally freaking out.

As it was, I sat quietly in the theater with a giant goofy smile on my face, actually managing to tap into that sense of wonder that seemed a daily aspect of my childhood but has all but disappeared since. It was so refreshing to take something in without a critical, cynical eye. I think I'll try doing more of it in the future.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Federal Jazz Commission

There isn't a hell of a lot that can inspire me to stand around in one place for 2 hours, packed like a sardine into a small bar area, starved, parched (no alcohol for those of us currently on antibiotics for lyme disease, goddamn it), waiting for a table that never comes, watching plate after plate of mouthwatering bar cuisine being delivered to the gluttonous, table-hogging cretins smart enough to get there early enough to snag a seat. There are even fewer things that can inspire me to do so happily, the last-ever concert of the Federal Jazz Commission being one of them.

[An aside: what exactly are the rules for keeping a table throughout an entire 3-hour concert, when it's exceedingly obvious that many, many people are waiting for said table? I'd argue that if it's strictly a bar, you can sit there as long as you like, but when we veer into restaurant territory, the practice becomes questionable. Is it OK to eat dinner, pay your bill, then just sit there at your table for another 2 hours? I say no. My companion disagrees.]

Anyway, the Federal Jazz Commission is exactly what DC needs more of: an authentic cultural experience which succeeds entirely on its own merits, and which is inextricably linked to its own place and time. Yes, the FJC specializes in New Orleans jazz, but it doesn't come off as a watered down version of something that exists better someplace else (as most things in DC tend to). I'm no jazz aficionado by any stretch of the imagination (in fact, I don't think I even like jazz), but to my mind the FJC lacks any semblance of a tribute to something else from someplace else. These guys are the real deal. Their audience is the real deal. They have, over 26 years of regular Tuesday night gigs, forged a cultural entity as legitimate as that of the music they play. They are real. And they are real good.

So of course the whole thing stopped last night, leaving a gaping hole in what might generously be referred to as the DC social calendar. A coworker of my girlfriend's, also in attendance last night, remarked that "nothing lasts forever," a comment which was indeed the theme of the evening. The FJC is old, no two ways around it. Two members, including their leader, are about to leave this earthly plane for that fabled elderly panacea known as Florida. And with them goes the group. Think about it. 26 years. Every Tuesday. The same bar. The same small stage. The same devoted following. Even their fans are old, most teetering on the verge of their 9th decade. I was fortunate enough to discover the FJC about a year ago, and to see them 4 or 5 times. I admit last night I felt like something of a voyeur, as if perhaps I hadn't quite earned the right to be there, that this was hallowed ground, a ceremony and a celebration for the truly faithful. It was sad. There was an actual sense of witnessing the passing of an era, a turning of the page. I couldn't help but imagine, as the band wound down their final song, to a standing ovation and prolonged applause, that this was probably the last hurrah for many in the audience, one last escape from reality, one final moment basking in the old-time tunes, one last visitation from their youth. Is this how I'll feel, 50 years from now, listening to Nirvana one last time?

But I'm being melodramatic. What really mattered last night was the music. As I say, I don't know much about jazz, don't know the history, the culture, much less the complicated minutia of what's actually taking place on stage. All I know is that it sounded fucking great. These guys are so on, so in command of their talents, so connected to each other and to the room, that even if you hate New Orleans jazz you can't escape the sheer thrill of watching artistry unfold. There should be an aging exemption for people this good at something that brings such joy. I recently visited the new Newseum down here in DC, and had a chance to take in the stellar Pulitzer photography exhibit. Of all the shots of carnage, despair, heartbreak, the heights and depths of humanity, the photo that stuck out for me was a simple image of an aged Babe Ruth, outfitted in the Yankees uniform of his prime, stooped over, leaning on a bat for support, the throngs of Yankee stadium encircling the solitary old man, paying their last respects. The great Babe is shot from behind. All we see is the number 3 on his back, his shock of black hair, his enfeebled posture. An old man standing alone at home plate, tipping his cap. It's a portrait of our most devastating self-realization: that all of us (even me!), if we're lucky, get to grow old and wither away. And this is the best we can hope for.

Even the Babe gets old. And last night, even the FJC. Nothing lasts forever. Not last night's concert. Not the band. Not the music. Eventually the bar will shut down. The crowds will gather someplace else. We'll all be gone. Last night was both a chance to forget all this, to bask in a momentary, celebratory respite from what's real, and a nagging reminder of what truly awaits us all. The Federal Jazz Commission should get to stay young, keep playing. But they don't. And neither do we.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Lullabye of Suburbia

It's Day 9 of the great Lyme Disease Marathon, and as with days 1 - 8, I'm spending day 9 at the ancestral home in Barnegat, NJ. I would have assumed, had someone told me I was about to embark on an 9 day visit to mom and dad's house after only packing for 3 days, that I'd be clawing my eyes out with boredom and frustration right about now. But the fact is I feel rather soothed into submission. Unlike DC, where most of the time my brain is going, "You know, there really should be a good restaurant around here," in Barnegat, well, there really shouldn't be a good restaurant around here. The old hometown is what it is. And while I don't think I could live here full-time, this removal of expectations makes for a quite a relaxing visit. Especially being sick, it's real easy to just sit back, read my book, wait for 6pm, turn the computer off, watch some TV, read some more, take my horse pills, and hit the sack. Sometimes there's a bit of excitement, like when my mom brings home the leftover Salt and Vinegar chips from a classroom party, or when my dad decides he's going out to the garage for a root beer and wonders whether I'd like one (yes, please). But otherwise I'm just going with the flow, chillin' in my recliner, padding over to the dinner table for barbecue. I can kinda see why people hit the burbs. I haven't had to walk five feet in a week. There's no sense that you're missing something if you stay inside (you're totally not). The hardest decision you ever face is whether to shop at BJs or Costco. I like it!

Friday, June 13, 2008

And Then There Was Blogging

Yes, I quit my blog for 3 or 4 months there. Just wasn't feeling it anymore. Wasn't doing it for me. Spring time was here again and it was time to go outdoors and rejoin humanity. Blogging started counterproductive and antisocial and even (if this is possible) kind of retro. Like, are people still doing that? Am I one of those people? Come to think of it, my sideburns might be a little too long, too. Uh oh. I'm stuck in the late 90s/early 00s, aren't I? (I've never been a blog reader. I'm still not. So having a blog has always felt a little off to me anyway.)

Then lately I've found myself wishing I had some forum in which to sound off on ridiculous, meaningless things. Hmmm, if only someone would invent some form of thoroughly self-centered communications so that a person might a) sound of on issues he knows practically nothing about, b) trumpet his own mediocre comings and goings, c) pretend he did some "writing" today, and d) save friends and family from having to actually listen to this garbage over drinks or dinner. Aha! My blog! Oh how I missed you.

But here's what really brought me back. Me, an avid indoorsman of the highest degree, managed to acquire Lyme Disease. Perhaps I passed a tree on my walk to happy hour, I don't know. But somehow I got the classic bulls eye red mark on my leg (a real whopper, by the way, about the size of the top of a soup can) and the atrocious flu-like symptoms to match. Plus, to make it even more fun, I happened to be visiting my parents when I took ill, so I'm currently in day number 7 of lying sick in my old high school bedroom, at home with my parents, away from all my stuff (oh, sweet Netflix, why hast thou forsaken me?), feeling slightly better now, but not better enough to actually do anything, much less drive all the way back to DC, oh, and taking medication with one major side effect: I can't go in the sun while on it. That's right: I'm literally stuck in my parents' house. Until nightfall, at least. There are many creature comforts, to be sure, and it's kinda nice being doted on...but, again, this is day 7. How much Law and Order can a person watch?

On the other hand, I'm probably losing some weight from lack of appetite. And I haven't reached for my wallet in over a week. And I'm reading a lot. And...uh, I showered today. But, yeah, it's really come to this. I'm blogging again. Hallelujah.

Friday, March 28, 2008

The New Religion

I've sat through 33 Yom Kipper services and counting. I spent a year studying my haftorah. I even brought a pink Tupperware container of tuna fish to lunch during Passover of my 3rd Grade year (is it any wonder I didn't kiss a girl till high school?). But I never really got this whole Judaism thing. Sure, it's good for a joke. And the girls at college, who must have been from the Midwest or something, seemed to have a little thing for East Coast neurotics like me, at least to a point. But it never really registered for me, this whole religion thing I mean, in any meaningful sense. I was emotionally detached, to say the least.

And then last night my sister and I dined at the thankfully re-opened Second Avenue Deli (now on 3rd Avenue). I felt like Moses on the mount as I communed with my hot corned beef sandwich and matzo ball soup. I'm not sure whether the stuffed cabbage actually spoke to me ala the burning bush...but I swear I think it did. Oh, burning stuffed cabbage, how I doused your flames with my Dr. Brown's cream soda! Did we want gribenes for the table? Did we ever! What are we, a couple of goyim? I think not. (And make that chocolate babka a double.)

It amazes me that you don't have to wear a yarmulke in this place. Or a tallis. If I was ever in the mood to do a little davening, here was the time and the place. This was the first time in my life I actually wished my nose was slightly larger.

Let me explain. I live in a land without Jews. Now, I'm not saying Washington, DC, is Berlin circa 1940 or anything...but, seriously, I have never felt so disconnected to my people. I haven't seen a bagel in 5 months. Deli? What's that? Humor? Never heard of it. New York feels like a comfy blanket. It's bad enough i'm white in DC, I can only imagine what the peeps in my hood would yell at me if they knew I was a Jew (I'm pretty sure they still think Jews have horns and tails down there.)

[DC aside: I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this before, but one of my favorite DC anecdotes is the time I was in the local supermarket and some random black guy told me he thought I was Daniel Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins. In other words: "Hey, you look like that other Jew." Next time I'm grocery shopping in Harlem, I'll be sure and tell someone they look like Magic Johnson.]

But...back to the Second Avenue Deli, and New York City, and life, and diversity, and the warm glow of experiencing something truly, legitimately good. I think that's what I miss most. I love my new house and the trees are nice...but you just don't find many moments like last night at Second Ave. Forty bucks for an unbelievable spread, the hustle and bustle of real city life swirling overhead, case upon case of delicacies....authenticity. My people. The whole 9 yards. That's what I miss the most, the sense that, you know, with very few exceptions, I probably couldn't be experiencing this anywhere else. Ben's Chili Bowl aside, you really don't encounter that in DC. Everything feels nondescript.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Chinese Food

I actually had a decent meal in DC last night. Not only that, but it arrived via delivery! I don't think I've seen food delivered in the 5 months I've been here. Wow, delivery. I forgot about that. Anyway, I was introduced to some authentic Chinese by a friend who lived in China for two years. Now, I'm something of a Chinese food fiend, but this was a pretty new experience. I mean, there were actually like greens on the table, and they weren't deep fried or slathered in General Tso's sauce. They actually looked like vegetables. Who knew? We also had a cold cucumber dish swimming in a fiery red pepper sauce. The cold and hot combo was pretty awesome. As a fellow eater put it, the cucumber starts off all nice and cool in your mouth, then is like, "ok, I'm outta here," leaving you with a little back of the throat pepper burn. Fortunately, beer washed this away quite nicely. There was an equally hot and spicy tofu dish that I mostly avoided, an incredible sweet, sour, and hot shrimp dish, and a comforting platter of chicken and cashews for the newbies like me. Delish!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Let The Ramblings Begin

I was on the phone last night talking about blogging, which, yes, is preposterous in the extreme. But anyway, I was speaking with someone who claims to blog once a week. As a once in a season kind of guy, I couldn't help but exclaim, "What?! But how???" The answer, as it turns out: rambling. Well, in so many words.

I've been laboring under the delusion that in order to blog I needed to have some point to make, or funny story to relate, or some review to dash off. But as it turns out, I can just write whatever the hell I want! Glory be.

OK, here goes: after years of lusting, I finally pulled the trigger on a flat screen TV. It arrived yesterday and it's glorious, it's beautiful, it's like staring into the face of God. I'm sitting next to it right now, and it's not even turned on, and I can't stop gazing at it. I'm in love. I want to take it on vacation. I want to buy it flowers. I want to take it home to meet my mom.

Wow, that was easy.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Finally, or On The Wire and There Will Be Blood

Man, now that's how you end a TV show!

Like, most thinking people, I am totally and passionately on board with The Wire. Best show on TV? I don't watch a ton of TV, but...yes, yes, an unqualified yes. Season 3 of The Wire is, to my mind, the greatest achievement the medium has ever produced. I found the much-heralded Season 4 to be excellent but a bit overrated...still great, but not on par with Season 3. Which brings us to Season 5, the end of The Wire...

Having taken a week to process my thoughts, I'm realizing this last season is a bit tough to get my mind around. I mean, I'm finding my reaction requires all sorts of qualifications. It's not enough to say "I loved it" or "it was great" or "I was really disappointed." All of those things are true, and sifting through them, it's easy to get lost.

Confusing as my reaction to the Wire finale is, one thing that's clear is that it's the exact opposite reaction that I had to There Will Be Blood...another beloved work I find frustratingly unable to summarize in terms of my like or dislike for it. I mean, I like it, I like it a lot, BUT...

Okay, let's take one at a time:

1. Blood: 95% of this movie is probably one of the 5 best things I've ever seen in a movie theater. A stunning, mesmerizing, pitch-perfect, visionary work...that's utterly, completely, and savagely destroyed by its inane final act, which I like to subtitle: The Comedy Stylings of Daniel Plainview. This last act is so off for me, so dreadfully unlike all that precedes it, that I can't help but wonder if the movie actually isn't very good...or, how can I say the movie is so good when it turns so very bad at the end? I've never encountered anything like this in twenty years of serious film watching. It's sort of like if, in the last ten minutes of Manhattan, aliens descend, forcing Woody and Mariel to fight them off with laser guns and save the city. I mean, would Manhattan still be great if this happened, even if the rest of the film remained unchanged? I don't know.

2. The Wire Season 5: until the last 2 episodes, I couldn't believe how far the Wire had fallen. I didn't buy McNultey's serial killer plot for a second. For me, it stank of standard TV show hackdom. Not bad for a couple episodes of CSI: Miami. But for The Wire? Hell, no. The Wire feels so awesomely grounded in reality (or at least in plausibility). That's what's great about the show, and that's the very thing that elevates it so high above other works in the genre. I hated to see it go out like this. It was painful and unconvincing (and most of the stuff at The Sun I just found boring). But then...the last 2 episodes were so outlandishly over-the-top brilliant, that....well, I don't know. Did they make the season great? Do I just forget about the preceding 10 episodes? The final two episodes do rescue the season for me, I suppose. They make me feel great about how the show ends. But I'm not sure I could recommend the season as a whole. It felt like amateur hour, coming from the Wire. And I'm not sure it's any coincidence that the final season only gets good once the serial killer plot peters out. It was hackneyed, awkward and forced.

So how to regard creative works that take a serious U-Tun in the final moments, either for good or for bad? A stroll through the criticism canon might shed some light. I mean, I can't imagine a few minds way more distinguished than my own haven't already tackled this dilemma. Of course, I'm way too lazy to do any such actual reading myself. And so I remain confused.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Bettering Myself

It occurred to me recently that I could really stand some bettering. I don't think I've picked up a new skill in about a decade or so. Is there a term for someone who's the opposite of a Renaissance Man? South Jersey 1980s Man, perhaps? Well, whatever it's called, that's me. I'm the kind of guy who talks about taking classes and things of this nature as if they will occur one day in some fantastical future, where the stars have aligned and suddenly the inclination to turn conversation into action rains down as if a gift from the universe. But now I've discovered that heavenly kingdom right here on Earth. It's called moving to a strange (and let's be honest, somewhat boring) new city, having no friends, a ton of time on your hands and a relatively unusual spike in disposable income (owing, mostly, to having no friends). Oh, plus I work at home, alone, which makes any occasion at which human interaction might occur seem somewhat fantastically appealing.

OK, point being: I am a goddamn good swing dancer, at least by beginner swing class standards. Who knew? Yeah, the bar is low, as most of the dudes in my class are about as light of foot as Frankenstein. But still, I'm taking an unbelievable amount of pleasure in not only getting out there and appreciating something new, but actually not being bad at it.

[Note to single guys: If you're having trouble meeting girls and possess even an iota of rhythm, I highly recommend a swing class. You can practically hear the wedding bands clanging to the floor as you twirl the ladies around with even the slightest hint of competence.]

As if swing dancing weren't enough, last night I ventured to Chevy Chase, MD, for my first drum lesson. I have always wanted to play the drums, yet never managed to pull the trigger. Now, at 33, it just feels like the time to start doing this stuff. I'm not getting any younger or cooler. So there I was, sitting at a drum set with absolutely no idea what was what. My instructor kept saying things like "snare" and "eighth note" and I just stared at him like a buffoon, or at least like a buffoon who doesn't know how to play drums. The bulk of my appointment was spent trying to determine whether or not I should play left- or right-handed (I finally chose right, though I'm left), which decision, by the way, constitutes something of a recurring and annoying theme for those of us in the minority. Practically every time I've taken lessons of any physical sort (golf, tennis, piano, drums, dancing) I've felt behind the curve and thoroughly befuddled (you can't imagine how often my dance instructor refers to the male's "strong right arm." uh, I don't have one of those). Fortunately, sitting at a drums set felt so dramatically foreign that neither way felt good. Might as well go with the majority. And since my instructor plays right-handed, it's gotta be easier to learn.

Anyway...the drums. Sheesh. Judging by the idiots I went to high school with who could play the drums, I was expecting it to be a bit easier. Then again, after about 25 minutes I was able to sort of jam along w/ my teacher and a pre-recorded bass track. I can't imagine such a thing is possible on, say, guitar. I told him my goal is to be able to play with friends one year from now. He said I'd be there in 4 months. We'll see about that, but either way this has already been a vastly rewarding experience. Now I'm losing sleep over 16th notes and the Charleston, as opposed to my stagnated writing career. Progress!

Now the question is: what's next? The obvious choices are learning a foreign language or how to cook. But I'm also thinking of doing something outlandishly DC-appropriate like prepping for the Foreign Service Exam. Now THAT would be a good story. And obviously I can't stop thinking that it will be like the test from Spies Like Us. Better start working on my 3rd arm! (Oh man, that shit still kills.).

More to come. Perhaps in Italian...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Writing

Well, I have not written anything in quite some time, and it isn't that nothing has been going on, or that I haven't had any ideas on what to write, but that I'm just not in the mood to write anything at all lately. In fact, I've shelved all my writing projects for the time being, and have instead been trying to focus more on filmmaking endeavors: sloooowly getting ready to pursue funding for my documentary, teaching myself Final Cut Pro, and taking way too long launching a Super 8 production company. All good things to do with my time, I think, and yet the writing itch sort of beckons (itches?)....or maybe it doesn't. I don't know. I feel guilty not writing, yet I don't think I actually feel like writing anything.

Oh well, back to Guitar Hero....