Assorted String Instruments

I've been nursing a fantasy of learning the banjo for the past half year or so. Last night I got together with a few friends at Hill Country, the incredible Texas-bbq themed extravaganza down the street from my office. I've been a few times for lunch, but at night the place was really hopping. We got a table directly adjacent to the downstairs stage, where halfway through our meal (I had a quarter chicken dark, a single pork rib, white bread, campfire baked beans with burnt ends, cole slaw, and, this being NYC after all, a PBR) a 5 piece country bluegrass (or something) outfit began doing their thing. I had a really closeup look at the banjo player, and let's just say it was a rather sobering experience. I literally couldn't even begin to comprehend what his hands were doing. It wouldn't have been more alien or intimidating if he'd started flying around the room. I mean, I can't fly. How does he do that?

There were several musicians at the table, so I asked if the banjo was really as difficult as it looks. Not only did they answer in the affirmative, but two guitarists told me they wouldn't even know where to begin with a banjo. This was mindblowing, as I've been suffering under a lifelong delusion that once you've learned any string instrument, you were sort of covered on all the others (perhaps excepting fiddles and other things involving bows). But apparently even if you've played the guitar for twenty years, the banjo is another story altogether.

Looking around stage, I saw a banjo, a guitar, a mandolin, a fiddle, and an upright bass. Obviously the bass is out. What a terrible instrument to take up. Can you imagine schlepping that thing all over town? I was schvitzin' just thinking about it. Plus, it's obviously the easiest to play. Though I want it to be easy, I'm not sure I want it to be that easy. The acoustic guitar struck me as it always does: serviceable, okay, nice enough, but a tad on the commonplace side. Plus, if I learn to play guitar, I'm afraid I'll have to morph into one of those guys who sits strumming out on their stoop, playing and singing at a volume just audible enough to register as annoying. The mandolin was actually pretty sweet, and the dude playing it had a lot of nice moves. But it still looks like it's halfway to a ukulele. Do women find the mandolin attractive? Would strolling about town with my mini-mandolin case make me look cool? I'm really not sure, but it doesn't seem like a slam dunk. The fiddle is cool, but somehow way out of my league. The whole bow thing throws me off somehow. Plus, the musicians at my table vouched that the fiddle was probably even more difficult to learn than the banjo, as it doesn't have frets (whatever they are). I nodded like I knew what they were talking about. Which brings us back to the banjo. Super difficult or no, it just looks incredibly cool when a dude can play that thing. And I just really love the sound. The banjo makes me wanna quit my day job, also quit my night job (writing, in theory), also quit my fantasy baseball league, also cancel my Netflix subscription, and spend my days wandering about Appalachia, playing my banjo and chopping firewood to make ends meet. Can you even imagine the great beard I could grow in Appalachia? Goddamn. That's the life.

Anyway, I'm not sure easiness is the best way to choose an instrument. Aren't you like supposed to feel some calling or creative urge to pick something up? When great musicians start to play, is learning curve on their list of requirements? Somehow, I doubt it. So maybe it is the banjo still.

Oh, and a side note: GO PHILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!