The Perils of Facebook

So an old friend I haven't heard from in several years sent me a Facebook invite. Since I was at work and will do anything to kill time, I signed up, created a quickie profile, then spent fifteen minutes or so going back and forth with the old friend. In case you aren't in-the-know, Facebook's got something called a "Wall" where you essentially write messages back and forth. Um, it's EXACTLY like email. Which has me wondering what the point of Facebook is. Seriously, can someone enlighten me? Am I just an old fogey, or does this website serve absolutely no purpose other than stroking the egos of everyone on it? What am I missing?

Anyway, that's beside the point. For I come to you today with a cautionary tale. Somehow the single most annoying person in my office discovered my Facebook page. Soon enough, we were entwined, friends, networkers, whatever the hell you call it. We were linked. Okay, fine. But then the trouble started. This dude suddenly felt compelled to walk over to my desk, IN PERSON, to alert me to each and every minor update made to his own profile. All under the auspices of "you've gotta check this out." And I'm not talking once or twice, I'm talking like every ten minutes for the entirety of several afternoons. And he'd sit there while I logged in, schlepped over to his profile, and took in whatever post, video, or photo he'd uploaded. Seriously. Not only must I experience the gradually evolution of his Facebook profile, but I've gotta do it right now, immediately, while he waits! It's almost worse than working. Almost.

Finally, I realized that the problem didn't lie solely in the annoying nature of his character (though it certainly lied there as well), but in the fact that he'd manage to completely misinterpret the entire point of Facebook, of social networking, of the very Internet itself! Now, when I wrote earlier of my confusion regarding the point of Facebook, I was speaking of this particular virtual environment. What I mean is, I grasp the big picture. I understand where exactly lies the beauty and splendor of the Internet, of online activities in general: the Internet is a tool by which I may relieve myself from the burdens of actual, physical human contact. There's a reason why 98% of my communication is undertaken via email, and it's not cause I love typing. It's that I hate people. Not only am I thoroughly uninterested in the minutia of your Facebook profile, but I certainly don't want to have to talk to you MORE because of it. The entire point of the Internet is that we don't have to talk anymore, ever again! Let's run with that.

So be careful, Facebookers. Don't let this happen to you.

Ok, now for some $6 Indian lunch buffet.