There's No Avoiding It: Damn, I'm Old

OK, so I guess I'm blogging again. I don't know how this happened. I have so much I should be writing right now. I guess it's come to the point where blogging feels like a break from writing. Does that make sense? At any rate, it's either this or exercise or some shit.

Alright, this isn't so compelling, but I feel like I need to ease my way back into the blogosphere with a nice simple post. Did I actually just type the word "blogosphere." Why, yes. Yes, I did. See: I'm rusty. But let's hope this is like riding a bike. Not that I'm very good at riding a bike, either. But you know what I mean.

Here goes. Without further ado, Thirty Is The New Sixty breathes again!

I just wanted to write a few notes about the title of the blog itself, and how mortified I am that what was once an "I'm Old" joke (inspired by me turning 30) now makes me wistful for a time when I could joke about turning 30. Holy crap, I'm 35 next month. How did this happen? What now? Do I need to change the blog's name? Will I even be able to type or operate a computer at such an advanced age? Do I bother getting out of bed in the morning? Do I start reading AARP magazine? Should I join my parents in Florida for the winter? Should it bother me that I can barely keep a houseplant alive, much less care for a pet or (gulp) father a child? (Just typing the words "father a child" made me cringe and glance embarrassingly around the cafe to make sure noone is reading over my shoulder. I'm like 16 emotionally.) Should I switch from tennis to golf? Should I find religion? Should I talk more about my knees and back? Should I stop wearing jeans and sneakers every day? Should I buy a briefcase? Should I not buy a Vespa on Craigslist? Do I stop obsessing over the Phillies and be thankful I got to see one World Championship in my lifetime? Should I visit the doctor more than once every few years? Is that weird mole on my shoulder something I should be concerned about? Should I start talking about the 90s like my parents talk about the 60s? Should I floss more? Should I switch to lighter beer? Not drink at all? Do sit ups? Eat spinach? Get to bed at a decent hour?

It's too much to contemplate.

Instead, two recent observations that made me feel old, one mortifying, the other amusing (at least to me):

1. Mortifying: I was watching the movie 17 Again with some friends recently. Not a bad little movie, actually. That Zac Effron's really got something. ANYWAY, at one point in the movie, 17-year-old Zac is discussing how in ten years from now he'll be old and it'll be too late, and so he should follow his dreams right now, being young and vibrant and relevant. And I realize: holy shit, Zac's vision of old, 27, is EIGHT YEARS YOUNGER THAN I AM NOW.

2. Amusing: So I'm at the shrink, and he's going on about how I should press the issue on certain things, and not just go with the flow, etc. So I say, "Yeah, I don't wanna rock the boat." He goes, "But aren't you just prolonging the inevitable?" To which I wittily reply, "What is life, if not prolonging the inevitable?" The shrink snorted into his herbal tea at that, and we both had a good chuckle. But seriously, this is the thinking of an old person.